anyysconsciousness

Od středy je to všechno divné. Prohlídka byla od začátku zvláštní. Svítili mi do ksichtu, dělali různý šílenosti. Taky mi rozkapali oči a co na tom bylo zvláštní je, že podle doktorů se po rozkapání má způsobit zhoršení zraku, ale já vidím líp!! Nechápu co se to děje. Ještě ktomu celá ta zkušenost byla mnohem intenzivnější než kdy dřív. Už od začátku mě pálily oči mnohem víc než obvykle, viděla jsem hůř a bylo mi hrozně zle. Byla jsem ještě víc citlivější na světlo, i když ho normálně snáším lépe. Trvalo to celý den a dokonce i polovinu toho dalšího, což se nestává. Co bylo však divný je, že jsem viděla lépe než co jsem viděla před návštěvou lékaře. Obvykle nevidím na tabuli ani z první lavice, ale tentokrát jsem na tabuli viděla přesně. Furt nevidím už z nějaké třetí lavice a bez brýlí jsem furt stejně slepá jako předtím, ale s brýlemi mám čistší zrak. Zatím je to třetí den a cítím, že je tam asi zase lehké zhoršení než včera, ale furt vidím lépe. 

Celkově mě to děsí a jsem zmatená. U doktora mi naměřili šílené dioptrie, jenom proto aby se to znovu zlepšilo? Z očí jsem zoufalá už strašně dlouho ale tohle už je příliš. Uvidíme, jak se to vyvine dál. Jo a stále mám pravé oko horší než levé.

not for the first time did i let out a few tears because of my brother's words.

for him to actually threaten me with death wishes just because i wouldn't let him watch a video without headphones. just because i wanted to sleep.

it hurts. so bad. always. 

like a betrayal. like a knife to the heart. 

i know this is payoff. for how poorly i have treated him when we were just little. but we were kids, i was a kid for christ's sake and it was hard and i didn't know better.

will it ever stop? i try. to be respectful. to not yell at him, but it's so hard when he's so infruriating! i have not seen him act on purely selfless means. he started gifting me food and as much as i am greatful, i cannon not see selfish reasons behind it. like he's giving it to me to calm me down, so i don't bother him or feel bad when i do. 

and maybe it's not like that. maybe he does actually give me goods because he wants to make me happy. and i wish i saw it that way. but with how he has been acting, i just can't.

are people stupid? cs c'mon, did anyone learn about action and reaction?

of course it's a scary situation, AI is evolving scaringly fast, but on the other hand like. it's the same shit as when photoshop first came around? there's going to be protocols. there are going to be programs deciphing if the shit is real or not. just like when photoshop was first created.

everyone should stop freaking around and do something about it if they're so fucking scared, jesus.

so. i already told this to julinka but.. i don't know, i have so mayn thoughts about this au!

so get this. kenshi takahashi as kate beckett and johnny cage as rick castle. it's genius! it's literally them!

johnny cage is castle because cmon. a famous person, in johnny's case a famous movie writer and director, who changes their name (richard rodgers--richard castle; johnathan carlton--johnny cage) and is fascinated by this special person. even their personalities match!!

oh on castle's ex-wives, for johnny it's an easy answer. so fucking easy even. his first wife is going to be sonya, with whom he'd have cassie (this au's equivalent of alexis). they break up soon after though, because of sonya's job in the military. she has too much duties, leaving johnny to care for cassie. sonya still visits though, but not too often. his second wife is going to be chris, also his ex-agent, and they have a complicated relationship, but chris is a bitch. they don't work out.

kenshi takahashi as kate beckett. well, also the mathing personality, but they both do their cause because of a trauma. they want to do good because someone else couldn't. they're so obsessed with bringing justice. i was also thinking of making kenshi as an fbi agent instead of an nypd detective because of canon but i said nah, fuck it. let's keep him as the detective.

so get this, beckett becomes a cop because of her mom's unsolved murder. kenshi becomes a cop because of the yakuza's involvement in his family.

i also had this genius thought of who'd be the precinct captain. then i forgot. now i remembered again. montgomery is going to be sindel and gates is going to be mileena. i'm so genius. at first it was supposed to be liu kang and after him geras, but i thought that making liu kang the mayor was a better idea.

i lost myself in this post by moving all the paragraphs, but that doesn't matter. so. espo and ryan? easy answerrrrr, the other two champions obviously. raiden and kung lao OBVIOUSLLY. they might end up together, because i oh so wanted for ryan and espo to end up together (i knew it's not possible, okay) but. they didn't. obviously. but i also ship railao. and noone is stopping me here. heheheheh.

anyway.

my stale-mate is frickin lanie. i have no idea who i could put on this one. so you, my dear entry, are going to help me with this. i have no idea. i was thinking one of the lin kuei brothers (tomáš, because i'm biased), but that doesn't really fit. OH. what about ashrah????? that might be a good fit. she's caring, but can do some real messed up stuff without blinking. yea. i'm gonna settle on ashrah for now. my beloved.

and that's basically it? of course i thought of scenes and stuff, but that's mainly reimagining castle episodes with these characters. i don't think there's gonna be that much more to the au. but it's cool, i like it to be honest haha. might edit this in the future.